2017/11/10

Execrable: Fugitive at 17

Fugitive at 17 (2012)
Directed by Jim Donovan
Written by David DeCrane, Douglas Howell
Produced by Curtis Crawford, Donald M. Osborne, Stefan Wodoslawsky, Tom Berry, Neil Bregman, Pierre David
Starring Marie Avgeropoulos, Christina Cox, Daniel Rindress-Kay, Casper Van Dien, Danny Blanco Hall, Rosemary Dunsmore, Frank Schorpion, Cindel Chartrand
While the cyprian victim (Chartrand) of a serial rapist (Van Dien) individualized by his press-on vinyl talons succumbs in a nightclub's nook to a beverage spiked with surplus soporific, he inexplicably wastes a choice opportunity to flee, instead assaulting and force-feeding more of his preferred drug to her BFF (Avgeropoulos), a 1337 H4X0R whose eyebrows on loan from Lauren Duca and aggressively unconditioned hair appear as abrasive as her temperament. A succession of unlikelihoods finds the hackress first committed to juvenile hall pending investigation, then freed in an assault on a Black Maria, posterior to which she grouchily stamps though the plot's plentiful holes across Ottawa pristinely tidy, predominantly white Philadelphia, abetted by her servile boyfriend manqué (Rindress-Kay) on a surreptitious mission to avenge her vacuous friend. As fodder for telecast via Lifetime comes, this crime drama's satisfyingly silly: Avgeropoulos ascribes augmented processing power to her homemade laptop's unspecified operating system (its clear casing denotes enhancement to girls who esteem themselves nerds for their Harry Potter fandom); a visit to her granny (Dunsmore) in a nursing home is conducted on the lam and under the guise of a slutty singing telegrammist; contributing nothing to the plot, a pursuant detective (Cox) struggles to manage her simpleminded son while blandly bickering with her chief and ex-husband (Schorpion). Calculatedly unrealistic demographic representation, wacky delivery and humbug are as flagrant here as in most televised Canadian dreck concocted for consumption by needlessly embittered Anglophone white women, but more amusing than its cyber-chicanery is the relationship between Avgeropoulos and Rindress-Kay, whose abject obedience ensures his relegation to sexless, circumscribed friendship. Highly recommended for spinsters, majors in women's studies and wiseass teenagers who've intent to riff a flick to an elder sister's irritation.
Instead, watch The Fugitive.

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